Day 1

My favorite song(s) are:


Crowded House- Don't Dream It's Over


Bryan Adams- (Everything I Do) I Do It For You (I know, sappy... I just love that movie! :))


Oasis and Ryan Adams- Wonderwall (both versions are great!)


Michael Buble- I Just Haven't Met You Yet ( I have fallen into the TTC song trap... :)  It is now my ringtone on my phone)

Wow... My bad...

I've been having a hard time writing the the blog since I've been really depressed lately.  Wow, that couldn't be becuase of the continued BFNs, could it?  Hmm....


Anyway, as I will start a second round of the Fem.era tomorrow, kids start school in a week, and I start school *technically* tomorrow (although I have been there quite a lot in the last 2 weeks anyway), I need something to keep my mind busy and on better, more uplifting thoughts.  I saw this on Mich.elle's blog "No, I'm Not Pregnant, Just Fat" so I thought I might do it too.  Maybe it will help me begin to blog again.  We'll see how long this lasts... :)


Day 1 - your favorite song



Day 2 - your favorite movie


Day 3 - your favorite television program


Day 4 - your favorite book


Day 5 - your favorite quote


Day 6 - 20 of your favorite things


Day 7 - a photo that makes you happy


Day 8 - a photo that makes you angry/sad


Day 9 - a photo you took


Day 10 - a photo taken over 10 years ago of you


Day 11 - a photo of you recently


Day 12 - something you are OCD about


Day 13 - a fictional book


Day 14 - a non-fictional book


Day 15 - your dream house


Day 16 - a song that makes you cry (or nearly)


Day 17 - an art piece (drawing, sculpture, painting, etc)


Day 18 - my wedding/future wedding/past wedding


Day 19 - a talent of yours


Day 20 - a hobby of yours


Day 21 - a recipe


Day 22 - a website


Day 23 - a youtube video


Day 24 - where you live


Day 25 - your day, in great detail


Day 26 - your week, in great detail


Day 27 - your worst habit


Day 28 - what's in your handbag/purse


Day 29 - hopes, dreams, and plans for the next 365 days


Day 30 - a dream for the future

It's been a while.....

I know.... but I'm just kind of at a standstill right now.  I will keep this short, but come back tonight or tomorrow and explain more, but right now I'm waiting for my sister-in-law to give birth.  She started labor last night and, as of right now, is still in labor.  Woo hoo.... Sorry, I know I might be a b*tch for saying it or thinking it, but I just can't be happy for her right now.  I will be fine later, but right now I can't do it.  I'm a b*tch, what can I say?

Wow....

Just a quick post...

First, just sharing that I *finally* have my teaching assignment for next year.  We found out on Wednesday.  I will be at my same school, but teaching 1st grade instead of Kindergarten.  This has it's ups and downs.  I have taught 1st grade before (for 2 years) but it's been awhile.  The last 3 years I have done Kindergarten, so I feel much more comfortable with that grade right now.   Also, I was really excited to try half day K for next year.  I wanted to find out how that was. Thirdly, I am *really* not excited about having to have some of these kids again next year.  I'm getting really annoyed by some of them right now.  I know that's bad to say as a teacher, but so it is. However, the other 2 Kinder teachers will also be moving to 1st grade with me, so I know who I'm working with and I *love* working with them, so I'm okay with that.  We'll see how that goes next year.  :)

Second, I just ditd my OPT for today.  I've been doing them since CD9, so just about a week.   In previous cycles, I have always had an extremely slow rise in the darkness of the line, so much so that the first day I have a dark line, I am always second guessing myself on whether or not it is the same or slightly lighter than the test line (BTW, why can't OPTs be the same as pregnancy tests, either you're about to ovulate or not?  Why so wishy-washy?  Stupid pee sticks...)  The last couple days my tests have been very light and then yesterday, slightly darker.  I figured I would probably begin seeing a positive by next Monday or so, based on what I normally see.  Nope, apparently not.  When I did my test today, it began to be much darker before I could even stand and flush.  Within the 10 minute time frame, it was *way* darker than the test line.  No ambiguous positive here today.  Interesting.... Oh well, guess it's time for the BD! :)

The appointment....

Well, just got home from the appointment.  Yea, dil.do cam... always fun.  :)  I do like the ultrasound tech though, so it wasn't too bad.  I walked in exactly on time and then was called back about 5 minutes later, so I didn't have to worry too much about having to see many pregnant women for long (that's very hard sometimes, as you would imagine.)  When I was called back, the tech first did the stomach ultrasound and took measurements, then asked me to empty my bladder (thank god!  That was hurting real bad from all the water I had to drink.) so we could continue with the internal cam.  When I was ready, she continued with the internal cam.  While she was doing measurements, I asked her exactly what we were looking for and she explained very thoroughly.  They were looking mainly at my overies and trying to find out whether or not the Clo.mid was actually working and helpign me ovulate.  They were looking for my dominant follicle (I thought that was what it was....).  She didn't see any promising follicles on my right side, and then she went on to the left side.  Man, that side was tender and painful when she went over there!  She said that she did find one good one on the left side and that might be why it was so tender.  Only one, but as she said, "You only need one, and that's what most other women develop."  True, true.... I was then able to put my clothes back on and leave.  They told me that my doc would call me tomorrow with the results.  It's going to be a long wait until tomorrow, but I might actually be able to take the phone call since we will actually be on a field trip to the zoo for the day.  We make sure to invite enough parents to be free during the field trip in case of emergencies.  It's nice to not have to have a group.  I guess we'll see tomorrow what happens....

PS:  Is it bad that, while I put my clothes on, I wrote down all the measurements she took that were on the U/S screen so I could come home and research them? :)  Oh well, it's my uterus, I can google if I want to! :)

Another day....

Another day to get through.... I'm doing better, although I did stay home again.  I just wasn't ready to face those 23 five year olds.....  It's nice to have support from my kinder team at school though.  I'm trying not to tell many people, since people don't really need to know, but I didn't want them to worry about me. (I know, that statement sounds silly, but I still, even now, can't help trying to help other people.  The one time I'm allowed to be selfish, I think, and I can't even do that right....)

Still bleeding horribly, but light at the end of the tunnel time.  My doc wants me to do another round of Clo.mid, same dosage, and this time I'm scheduled for an ultrasound on the 4th for, what I think they said, was called a "dominate follicle scan".  I wish I had written it down.  Oh well, I'm sure I can call and ask and they'll tell me.

Just trying to take it day-by-day and looking forward to to hopefully succeeding this next time.  *crossing fingers and praying*

It's done.

The test at the office yesterday was negative.  They sent me for blood work and they would call me the next day (today).  I had a bad feeling all the rest of the day.  This morning I woke up to horrible cramps and bright red blood.  I know what that means.  I tried going to school, but couldn't handle it and told my principal what was going on.  He was *very* supportive and was able to get some of the ladies to take my class for the day.  I called the doctor to tell them, and they confirmed for me that the blood test was negative and I was having an early miscarriage.  It's over.  I'm done and tired and can't seem to either stop crying or sit in a stupor.  I'm done.