As you might know....

Waiting sucks....  9dpo and nothing... although many weird pains and such, but that can be just my hopeful imagination... We'll see soon, yes or no, then onto the lovely world of pills!

Stupid delayed body....

So, I have been waiting and waiting to be able to start my Clomid to get this show on the road, but AF just didn't seem to want to show up.  Apparently all I need to do next time is call my NP office to let them know I am concerned about it.  I called on Wed. to tell them the situation, my NP wasn't there, so they said they would let her know and someone would call me back the next day.  They did and asked me the standard "Have you taken a HPT?", "Yes, negative.", "Have you been taking OPTs?", "Yes, all negative so far.", etc.  Then they say, "Alright, let me let your NP know and I will get back to you as soon as I can.".  Alright, no problem.  This is Thursday she called me back the first time.  Then I get a call back on Friday, and when I talk to them they tell me that they will call in a prescription for *more* Provera and they want me to take 100 mg of Clomid, not the previous 50mg that I never took (who knows why) so they called in an extra set for those as well.  Well, what happens when I go home and take another OPT?  Quite obviously positive.  Of course it is.  I'm happy it finally became positive, and I'm happy that DH and I were BDing at the right time, but it's more than a little frustrating to never know..... Yeah, I Oed on abt CD40... Not very "normal" if you ask me.... Oh well, I guess now I get to call the NP office on Monday *again* and ask if I should still take the 100mg or just the 50mg if this one doesn't take.  They'll probably think I'm a moron who doesn't know how to POAS.....

Wow... where to begin...

So, apparently, when I go on winter break for school, even though I have all that extra time, I decide to take off the entire time from my blog too.  Interesting phenomenon..... Anyway, how to catch up....

Well, I had my HSG to get done and was completely freaked out.  All I read on the internets was that it was painful, you would get cramping, etc.  I went there on the 22nd and was almost to the hyperventilating state.  They brought me into the room and I waited on the table for the dr to come in, shaking and fearing what was coming.  The dr finally came in and told me she was going to start and.... that's it?  That's what I got all worked up about?  Really?  It was worse getting my blood taken (but that's always worse... they can *never* find my veins... it really blows...).  I felt very happy to get it finished with, but ridiculous for letting myself get so freaked out.

Then, the very next day my aunt, cousin, and mom came over to have a holiday baking day and I get a call from my NP office ( which is more than a little awkward since I haven't told anyone yet about our TTC except for a few friends, not any family yet).  So the office called and said they had my results back from my HSG (already?  Really?  Okay then...) and they were.... wait for it.... NORMAL!  Good grief, who would have thought that being so normal could be so frustrating!  I asked DH and my friend who knows we are TTCing, if I am so f***ing normal, why can I not seem to get pregnant or have a consistant AF?  Tell me how that's normal.... But I digress...

My NP office said that since the HSG was normal (of course) they would call in my prescription to start the Clomid and I could pick it up that afternoon.  Holy s*** that was quick!  I didn't even have to go in and talk to my NP like I figured I would.  Which is good, but it threw me off a little.  I do like my NP a *lot* though, so I am always happy to go talk with her.  She is always ready to explain and help me. :)

The one downside to getting the Clomid without seeing my NP is that I never know if I'm going to even get AF, let alone when it will happen (hence the Provera to be able to get the HSG done).  I figure if I don't see AF by about CD30 or CD35 (and I take the obligitory HPT and it is a BFN!) I'll call and see if I can get some more Provera or something like that... Or at least find out what to do....  It's can be such a pain in the a** to be so normal sometimes... :)

To myself... and possibly others someday....

http://stirrup-queens.blogspot.com/2006/09/history-of-infertilitys-common-thread.html



I was searching the blogosphere looking for other IFers.... Which I seem to be constantly doing nowadays... This is a great place to go and surf my constant IF mind flutterings away.  Even though sometimes I feel like I'm not a full part of it yet, since I have yet to reach that full point of extra added help (meds, procedures, IUI, IVF, etc.), although I seem to be well on my way.  It's a weird place to be.  Not even close to the "Fertile" camp by any means, yet still not fully in the "Infertile" camp yet. 

Anyway, as I was saying, I came across a blog and noticed (not for the first time) a thread picture and a note talking of having a "common thread".  I was intrigued and clicked to read a great post, which I am now adding to my blog and linking to that one. 

PLEASE!  If you are in the same camp, go to the link above and enjoy.  I would love to know when I see a pregnant woman that she is an IFer (even if I may not be entirely there yet... I wonder if I'm sheltering myself?) and know that I can possibly go up to her and talk with her, and not feel that slight pain that emminates from seeing a happy pregnant woman when I can't seem to get there myself.  I'm not sure if I can bring myself to wear it yet (we haven't told family that we are TTCing yet... don't know how I would go about explaining it...) but to know that it was out there and available to me is comforting.  Thank you IF community for bringing this knowledge and acceptance into my life.

Finally....

Well, AF showed up... finally... and I was able to schedule my HSG for next Tuesday, which they almost didn't want to do.  I called when I was supposed to (when AF reared her ugly head), like the good little girl I am, since the test has to be done between the 7th and 10th days.  When I called and told them, they went through all the normal questions, "You know you need to have it done at this certain time?", "Yes, that's what you told me last time.", "When did you start?", "Last night, woo hoo.", etc.  Then the lady (who was very nice and sweet and tried to be as helpful as possible, despite things) said that it looked like they were booked up and nothing was open until after Xmas.  I told her, as nicely but forcefully as possible, that after Xmas would not work.  I tried to explain how I am *extremely* irregular and never know when AF will come at all, if she does choose to visit at all.  Because of this situation, my NP had me take Provera for 5 days to force AF to come, just so I could have this blessed test done.  So, the very nice secretary asked me to hold, which I did for about 10 mins, and when she came back she told me she was able to squeeze me in next week.  I can't tell you how happy that made me.  That lady is awesome!  I really did not want to be forced to not only have a random AF that was not useful in the slightest, but to have to wait to start on the Clomid any longer than I had to wait.  Now it looks as though I might be able to start the new year off with a bang, so to speak, which I am *very* happy about!  Yea for very helpful scheduling ladies! :)

BTW, when I had called my dr office to make sure that I was scheduling the correct test (long story, but they marked hysterosonogram instead of hysterosalpingogram, and I wanted to make sure to get the right one done.... again with the random, not needed tests...) the nurse said it was funny, she was just going to call me and tell me DH's results for *his* test.  Guess what?  He has jumped on the "completely normal" bandwagon with me.  We can be a "completely normal" couple together now!

What is with the term "normal" surrounding my life?  How can I be normal when I don't ovulate more than a couple times a year and can not, for the life of me, seem to get pregnant?  That does not seem to be normal to me...

Maybe I just need to chill out and count my blessings, being "normal" and all.  Sometimes I wish that there was *some* kind of diagnosis though.  Then at least I could pinpoint and say, "There!  That's why we don't have any kids yet!" and then be able to work with that.  Instead, I'm "normal", but just don't ovulate for some unknown, strange reason.  Way to be vague, body.  Thanks for the help....

Testing... again...

So, yesterday DH and I drove into town... again... so that we could turn in his SA "correctly" this time... and it seems to have been successful, which is a relief.  It becomes annoying when you have to redo something when it was messed up for reasons beyond your control (at least that's what I think...).  That was in the morning, then we got DH a new heavier coat, which he needed, and walked around the abnormally empty mall for a while.  By the time we left, it was beginning to fill up, but still, one of the last Saturdays left before Xmas and that empty? Sign of the times maybe....

Then we were relaxing at home before we left for my school's Xmas party (which was a lot of fun, btw!). 
*This may be a little TMI, so if you don't want to know, you may want to pass on the next part!*
I went to restroom, and discovered I had creamy CM, but it was pink, which personally I think is very strange.  So what did I do?  I googled... to no actual avail.  I got a lot of regular people's opinion from message boards, but no real medical advice that I could tell.  I did narrow it down to 2 options though:
1) Just means AF is coming soon, thanks to the Provera that I took and have been waiting for, which is okay, since then I can get the not-so-much-fun test over with sooner and on to the better stuff.    OR
2) It is implantation bleeding, which sometimes (according to random people who *know*!) comes with creamy CM, and I may in fact be pgt, which would be *wonderful*! 

I think we all know which I would choose.... but at this point, either would be great! I guess we'll see in a couple days....

Babymania...

Is it just me, or is everyone suffering from Babymania?  I know that, with all the TTC and failing and all of my emotions pretty much at the surface because of that, I would probably notice more of that.  I promise though, that every single day I see something on TV about someone pregnant, baby stuff, some show about having 18 babies, all sorts of stuff.  Then I go to the store and I see baby furniture, baby clothes, you name it, all around me.  Then I head to work and, of course, there are 6 (!), count them, 6 women at school who are pregnant.  Are there babies everywhere but at my house, or do I just think there are since I can't seem to get pregnant myself?  Fairly depressing no matter what way you look at it.....